Too much sake
by cutie-chan-XD3
Summary: What happens when Kenshin gets really drunk?Uh-oh, mad tanuki incoming! There's just too much sake! PLEASE REVIEW! sorry about yesterday's review screw ups!
1. Nothing could go wrong

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.  
  
Too much sake  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Nothing could go wrong  
  
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It was a beautiful morning. The sun wasn't too bright, and there was a light breeze that felt like someone blowing you a kiss. Today was a perfect day. Nothing could ruin today, or so Kenshin thought.  
  
Like any other morning, Kenshin did the laundry and began making breakfast. He called everyone when he finished setting the table with the help of Kaoru.  
  
"Yo! Breakfast ready?" came a voice from the dojo gates.  
  
"No one wants you here, so go back where you came from rooster- head!" hollered Yahiko. Kaoru slapped him upside the head. "Yahiko, don't say things like that!" She glared down at him while dumping rice into his bowl.  
  
"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME KID?" yelled Sanoskue coming in with his fist shaking up in the air.  
  
"Ohayao, Sano-" Kenshin was cut off by Sanoskue and Yahiko crashing and fighting on the floor.  
  
Meanwhile, Kaoru just ignored them, and began eating, the same as Kenshin. Few seconds later, Yahiko's unconscious with swirly eyes in a corner, and Sanoskue's sitting at the table and gulping down who knows how much amount of food at a time, along with a few chopsticks that he thought were chocolate crackers.  
  
Once he was finished he slammed his bowl on the table and smirked at Yahiko." I have an announcement to make!" Kenshin and Kaoru both lifted an eyebrow at this. 'This should be interesting' they both thought. Sanoskue cleared his throat, and continued "So, yesterday, right before dinner, I was lounging around, waiting to get something to eat when all of a sudden, something moved in the bushes. So I went to go investigate, and you'd never guess what I saw!" He said, laughing uncontrollably and banging his fist on the table for emphasis.  
  
"I don't know, enlighten me." Kaoru said, getting quite bored.  
  
Sano put up his composure and finished his story, "I found Yahiko there, with his hands inside his pants, scratching himself, and whispering something like 'Itai', then he saw me, and begged me not to tell anyone, but hey! Why the hell would I care about his ego?"  
  
Just then, Kaoru rolled down on the floor, laughing in hysterics, saying" Yahiko *gasp* scratching *laughing* himself?!" Kenshin only chuckled a little, not wanting to embarrass the kid any further.  
  
"It's a LIE!" Yahiko screamed, getting up, only to get knocked out again by Sanoskue.  
  
Kaoru pulled herself off the floor and tried to compose herself, only to slap her knee and start laughing all over again.  
  
*SNORT*  
  
Everyone stared at Kaoru, and then started laughing at her. Kaoru blushed, then slammed her fist on the top of Kenshin's head. "Whet the HELL are you laughing at, BAKA?" taking a fistful of his front gi, and shaking him madly, until he turned swirly-eyed. She abruptly dropped him and yelped.  
  
"Ah, I'm going to be late for my classes! See you guys later!" she said leaving the room, not before she accidentally stepped on a rurouni.  
  
"Oro!" Kenshin squeaked as she stepped on him. "Whoops! Gomen Kenshin, I didn't see you there! Sayonara minna!" She then kicked the poor rurouni then left him oro-ing on the floor.  
  
So after cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, Kenshin was happily doing the laundry. Then a shadow started towering over him. Kenshin looked up to see Sanoskue holding about thirty cases of sake.  
  
"ORO! SANO! WH-"  
  
"Shut up! Man, you gotta be so loud? Come and help me!" Sano ordered.  
  
So then Kenshin took half of Sano's load, and they carried it into the dojo and settled them there.  
  
"So, what are all these for?" Kenshin asked after putting the last case of sake down. Sano smirked and Kenshin gulped.  
  
~TBC~  
  
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PLEASE REVIEW!!  
  
Author's notes:  
  
So? What did you think? The first chapter is pretty boring, but it gets better in the next chapters!  
  
Japanese glossary:  
  
Demo-but  
  
Yatta-yipee  
  
Gi-training shirt  
  
Hakama-training pants  
  
Hai-yes  
  
Iie-no  
  
Sessha-unworthy one  
  
Sayonara-goodbye  
  
Jou-chan-missy (usually referring to Kaoru)  
  
Ahou-moron Baka-idiot  
  
-Dono-miss 


	2. Ah, the mishaps of life

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.  
  
Too much sake  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Ah, the mishaps of life  
  
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"Let's have a drinking game! Winner gets half of the losers money!" said Sano.  
  
"Oro? Sessha-"  
  
"Aw, come on buddy, I've hardly got any money! And did I tell you were my best friend in the whole wide world?" Sano pleaded on his knees with puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Demo, sessha's money belongs to Kaoru-dono, and you have little money, so if I win, I'd only get like....five yen." said Kenshin.  
  
"And sake!" Sano pointed to all the cases. "I'm sure Jou-chan would understand! I need the money! Plus, I need to get drunk!"  
  
Kenshin gave a long sigh. "Hai, hai, but I'll only play for half an hour, that I will." Kenshin said, already regretting it.  
  
"Yatta!" Sano said, jumping up and down.  
  
~1 hour later~  
  
"Come on Kenshin! Is that all you can drink, you wimp?!" Sano yelled, waving his sake cup around.  
  
"Oro? Sessha is not a weemp, thwat I am not. Demo, Sessha does not oonderstand why yoo awen't dwunk *hiccup*... thwat I do not." Said Kenshin with a deep flush from all the sake. Sano wasn't even sweating.  
  
"It's because I'm a man, and you're a girl!" Sano hollered throwing his cup at the oro-ing rurouni.  
  
"Sessha is a man, thwat I think I am." Said Kenshin, undoing his hakama to check for his. um.. *cough*.. weenis..*hack*  
  
"Oi! Do that somewhere else!" yelled Sano.  
  
"Hai, thwat I will." Said Kenshin, turning around only to bust into the wall.  
  
"Orororororororororoooooo" said a swirly-eyed Kenshin.  
  
"You know Kenshin, that story about Yahiko scratching himself was a lie." Said Sanoskue.  
  
"Oro? Poor Yahiko." Said Kenshin, peeling himself off the ground. "Why dwid yoo say soomething like thwat?"  
"I needed Jou-chan to get distracted while I snuck all the sake cases into your room." Sano said like it was nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
"My room?" Kenshin asked.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, now hand over the money!" said Sano, avoiding the question.  
  
"I have nwot lost, that I have not!" said Kenshin, drinking more sake.  
  
"Aw, come on man, you're totally out of it! Alright then, how many fingers am I holding up!" asked Sano, holding up three fingers.  
  
" Ano.." Kenshin said squinting his eyes to see better. "Seven!" he exclaimed. Sano shook his head and brought his three fingers up to Kenshin's face and tapped it on his head. "Three! It's three, you baka!"  
  
"Okay, your turn! How mwany fwingers em I holding oop?" asked Kenshin sticking up two fingers.  
  
"Two!" exclaimed Sano.  
  
Kenshin brought his two fingers up to his face and squinted his eyes at them. " I dwon't *hiccup* even know how mwany fingers I'm holding oop." Said Kenshin. Sano took Kenshin's hand and tapped it on Kenshin's head. "Two, you baka. So now give me my money!" said Sano, choking Kenshin with both of his hands.  
  
"Hai.*gasp*.. Hai." said Kenshin inbetween breaths.  
  
So Kenshin gave Sano what he thought was half his money(Due to his drunken state), and as Sano was at the dojo gates, ready to leave, he whispered, "Stupid Rurouni." Then left with his money and the four leftover bottles of sake.  
  
Little did Kenshin know that Sano had splitted fifteen of the thirty bottles and had watered fifteen of them down, and put a blue dot on each of the watered down bottles, and he had Kenshin drink the regular sake bottles, so that Sano would end up winning, and of course, Sano drank the bottles that had a blue dot on it.[IA/N: I know it's corny, but hey! XD]  
  
"Oro... sessha needs to go bwuy tofoo before Kaoru-dono gets home, thwat I do." Said Kenshin, talking to himself. {A/A: Everybody points and laughs at him!}  
  
He finished doing the laundry, which had turned from white to purple, due to his drunken state and adding the wrong the detergent, but he paid no attention to this.  
  
So now we find Kenshin trying to walk straightly down a road, tofu bucket in hand. People were all staring at him and hiding there children behind their bodies from what looked like a constipated red-head with his head rolling from one side to another with drool coming down the side of his mouth, and laughing every time a gust of wind hit his face.  
  
He arrived at the busy marketplace and went to the tofu stand. 'Hmm.. She's pretty' he thought. "You're pretty." He said, not realizing he said that aloud.  
  
"Are you mocking me?" The MAN asked.  
  
"Iie, I was just-" but the man cut him off.  
  
"Then are you hitting on me?"  
  
"Oro? I-" and he was cut off again.  
  
"Are you gay?"  
  
"NO! I just want to bwuy some tofoo!" Kenshin said, waving his tofu bucket around.  
  
The man eyed Kenshin suspiciously, taking in his long hair and pink gi. "Sorry, I don't sell to gay people," said the merchant.  
  
"Sessha has already told you, sessha is not-" before Kenshin could finish, the merchant pulled down a curtain that said'We do NOT sell to gay people'  
  
"GAY!" Kenshin screeched, a bit ticked off with the guy, which caused the whole marketplace to stop what they were doing and stare at Kenshin.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOO LOOWKING *hiccup* AT?!" yelled Kenshin. This caused everyone to laugh and continue on what they were doing.  
  
So now we find Kenshin walking on the other side of the marketplace, looking for another tofu stand, when something caught his blurry eyes.  
  
There, in the middle of the marketplace was a beautiful girl wearing a gi and hakama with her hair tied up in a high ponytail.  
  
'She's pretty' Kenshin thought, making his way over to her.  
  
"Hey!" Kenshin said, trying to get her attention, but she just kept on walking.  
  
"Sweetie!" he said, but she still ignored him.  
  
"Hey baby," he said putting his hand on her shoulder, making her stop in her tracks, and turn abruptly to face him. His eyes grew wide as he saw who exactly this girl was.  
  
'Oh crap' Kenshin thought.  
  
TBC  
  
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PLEASE REVIEW!!  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Sano got his money from his winnings, and wanted money rather than sake.  
  
Kenshin is talking funny and telling a man he's pretty because of his drunken state.  
  
Cliffhanger! I'm sure you know who she is, but wait till what happens on the next chapter!  
  
Love Cutie-chan-XD3 


	3. You're in trouble

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.  
  
Too much sake  
  
Chapter 3  
  
You're in trouble  
  
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Kaoru's POV  
  
I was on the way back to the dojo, wanting to see Kenshin soon, when I felt a presence following me.  
  
"Hey!" I heard him say. Hmmm, he sounds familiar.  
  
"Sweetie!" Ugh, one of those guys, again! Can't they see I'm not interested? And why does he sound familiar, almost like-  
  
"Hey baby!" I turned around when he put his hand on my shoulder, and his voice turned out to be "Kenshin," I said, shocked at what he just called me.  
  
"Sweetie? Baby?" I question, now fully facing him, checking him from head to toe, making sure he was Kenshin.  
  
Kenshin's POV  
  
Uh-oh. Holy crap! It's Kaoru-dono!  
  
"Sweetie? Baby?" How am I supposed to answer that? Think Kenshin! Think! Aha! I got it! Thank god for my wandering days! Just act like you don't know her and pretend you're somebody else!  
  
"Uh.. Nee-hao, dwee-boo-chee! Dsai-Jian!" I say. {A/N: Chinese for 'Hello, so sorry! Goodbye!'}  
  
Bach to normal POV  
  
Right after Kenshin said that, he turned on his heels and took off. Kaoru snapped out of her stupor when she noticed him running away.  
  
"Mou, Kenshin no baka! Get back here!" Kaoru shouted, trying to shove her way through the crowds of people.  
  
Kenshin quickly turned a corner, and Kaoru followed as well. When she got there, she stopped in her tracks and looked around, but she couldn't spot anyone who had red hair or was wearing a pink gi. She pursed her lips together and squeezed her purse until her knuckles were white.  
  
'Mou, you are so in for it when I find you Kenshin!' she thought madly.  
  
And back to Kenshin's POV  
  
I watched below me as Kaoru shouted my name over and over, shoving her way through the crowds. I'm so in for it when she finds me, that I most certainly am. Stupid sake! What was I thinking to hit on Kaoru- dono! I shouldn't even be hitting on anybody!  
  
I wiped the sweat on my head with the back of my hand as I saw Kaoru-dono disappear from view. I need some sake to loosen up.  
  
I went to the other side of the roof and jumped down, then looking for sake. Ah, there's a stall. So then I bought a case of sake, went to an alleyway, and chugged the whole thing down, that I did, and the next thing I knew, I was feeling really giddy and very light-headed, and then, total darkness,  
  
And back to Normal POV again!  
  
Saitou whipped his head to the direction where a sound of a body falling to the ground came from. He went into the alleyway, and was surprised to see an unconscious red head on the floor.  
  
"Well, well, well, what have we got here?" asked Saitou, but Kenshin didn't wake up. Saitou walked up to him, pulled out a cigarette, lighted it, took a big whiff, and let his ashes fall on Kenshin's body. Then he nudged Kenshin's body with his foot, but Kenshin did not wake up. Saitou looked at the sake bottle lying next to Kenshin. He then started poking Kenshin with his sheathed sword saying, "Get up, Ahou."  
  
Kenshin only turned on his side and said something like "White elephants.. Pretty.. That it is.. oro." Saitou lifted an eyebrow at this, then he smirked.  
  
"Well, if we don't have a drunk Battousai in an alleyway." Saitou said sarcastically, dropping his cigarette on the floor and crushing it under his foot.  
  
"It's illegal to be drunk and pass out in public. Men! Take him away!" Saitou ordered, walking out of the alleyway, while his men took Kenshin.  
  
TBC  
  
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PLEASE REVIEW!!  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Kenshin learned a few Chinese words while his wandering days!  
  
I love you all so much! Keep on going to the next and final chapter!  
  
Love Cutie-chan-XD3 


	4. A fun time in jail

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.  
  
Too much sake  
  
Chapter 4  
  
A fun time in jail  
  
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Kenshin woke up to the feeling of someone poking him rather roughly on the head. He groaned in pain from his headache. He slowly got up and opened his eyes and looked at the man that was poking him. The man had gray hair, with a really long beard that reached his belly button, and was dressed in old rags. Kenshin looked around at his surroundings. There were 3 walls and I gate. 'That means.. I'm in jail?' Kenshin thought. Then everything came flooding back to him. 'Orororo, I hit on Kaoru-dono! Orororo.' he thought. The man looked at him real funny, because Kenshin was just sitting there oro-ing.  
  
"Dude, are you okay? And what the hell does 'oro' mean?"  
  
"Oro? I don't know what you're talking about, that I do not." Kenshin answered.  
  
"Why are you wearing a pink gi?" the man asked.  
  
"Ano, because it reminds me of peace, that it does." Kenshin answered, bewildered by that question.  
  
"Peace? So, are you the love and peace kind of guy?"  
  
"Oro? I guess you could put it that way, that you could."  
  
"Why do you have long hair?"  
  
"Oro, why are you asking all these questions?"  
  
"Just answer them, damnit!"  
  
"Ummmm... Because I don't think I would look good with short hair."  
  
"Why do you wear purple socks?"  
  
"Because they also remind me of peace and also matches with my gi, that it does." Kenshin answered, thinking the man has too much curiosity.  
  
"What's up with the 'that it does' crap?"  
  
"It's polite, that it is."  
  
"Are you a girl?"  
  
"No, I am a man, that I am" Kenshin answered, getting annoyed about the questions and comments about his sex.  
  
"What kind of idiotic word is oro?"  
  
"Oro? I do not know, that I do not."  
  
"What the hell does oro mean" The man demanded, getting impatient.  
  
"It means I do not know, that it does." {A/N: The man thinks oro means- I do not know, when Kenshin is just telling the man he does not know.}  
  
"Okay, so, are you gay?"  
  
"ORO! NO! What makes you think that?"  
  
"Well, let's see.. You have long hair, you wear a pink gi and purple socks, you have a thing for love and peace, you say oro a lot, and you are polite to a gangster. I would say that's pretty gay, wouldn't you?" the man answered, ticking up a finger each time.  
  
"NO! You should not judge a person by their outside appearance, but by the inside, that you should."  
  
"Don't tell me what I should do!"  
  
"I'm not, I was just giving advice, that I was." Kenshin said waving his hands in front of him.  
  
"Why are you in here?" The ever-persistent man asked.  
  
"Umm, I believe I passed out somewhere due to too much sake, that I did. If I may ask, what are you in here for?"  
  
"I hit on some Kenjutsu teacher that was a girl, and she sent me to jail."  
  
"Oro? Did she have blue eyes, with raven hair tied up in a high ponytail?"  
  
"Yeah, you know her?"  
  
"Hai, I live with her, that I do." Kenshin answered, a bit ticked off that an old man hit on her, although, he himself hit on her not so long ago.  
  
Then they heard footsteps coming. The both of them went to the gate to see who it was. Kenshin's eyes sparkled as he saw that it was Kaoru and Saitou.  
  
"Miss me?" Kaoru asked while Saitou took out his keys.  
  
"Hey, it's the girl I hit on the other day!" said the old man. Kaoru only lifted a delicate eyebrow at him.  
  
"Good Morning." Kaoru said taking a look at Kenshin's messed up hair, while Saitou was fiddling with the lock.  
  
"Looks like the gay man got himself a girl." The old man butted in.  
  
"Shut up ahou, let's go Battousai." Saitou said as he opened the gate, shoved Kenshin out then lock the gate.  
  
"Ba-battousai!" The old man exclaimed unbelievingly.  
  
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed as he hit the floor. He got up and looked at Kaoru, who had her back facing him.  
  
"Kaoru-dono.." Kenshin said, not sure if she'll be happy or mad to see him.  
  
Kaoru slowly turned around and shoved her purse into his hands, then punched him across the face." Sweetie?!" she said, then punched him across the face again, "Baby?!" She then grabbed a fistful of his hair and started shaking him. "And you speak Chinese good, too! Better behave!" "ORORORORORORORORORORORORORORORooooooooooooooooo "  
  
~30 minutes later at the Akebeko~  
  
Kaoru's sitting across from a black-eyed and disarrayed Kenshin, watching as he ate a beef pot.  
  
"Is it good?" She asked, resting the heel of her hand on the side of her cheek.  
  
"Hai, it's very good." Said Kenshin, smiling and showing his swollen lip and missing his teeth. Kaoru smiled sweetly at him.  
  
"So did you learn anything today" she asked.  
  
"Hai, I did." He answered. '1-Don't play drinking games. 2-Don't leave home while drunk. 3-Don't hit on merchants. 4-Don't hit on Kenjutsu teachers. 5-Don't drink sake when all this is over.' He thought bitterly.  
  
Kaoru just smiled at his answer and how handsome he was even after a brutal beating. "Good, I'm glad you did."  
  
Kenshin just smiled back.  
  
~2 weeks later~  
  
Kaoru was practicing in the dojo, when a figure shadowed over her. She looked up at Sano, who was holding about thirty cases of sake.  
  
"SANO-WH-"  
  
"Shhhh! Wanna play a drinking game?" he asked.  
  
THE END  
  
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PLEASE REVIEW!!  
  
Should I make a continuum to this story where Kaoru gets drunk? Hmmm. I dunno yet. Give me what you think I should do and put it in my review! I can't decide, so I'll let you!  
  
Thank you so much Moogle-sama, Antifuz, and DDG! You guys really inspire me! You're the best friends anyone could ask for!  
  
To all my supporters, thank you for reading until the last chapter (and maybe a continuum)  
  
Love, Cutie-chan-XD3 


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